Not even a month into the new year, we unexpectedly lost our daughter's birthmom. To say my life changed is an understatement. Sometimes I can hardly believe that she really is gone. Other times, I feel it to my very core that she is no longer here.
Her death lead to months of depression and heartache for me. A part of me is beyond thankful that 2015 is coming to a close and that we get a fresh start tomorrow. The other part of me is devastated. 2015 is the last year she was alive and what if I'm not ready to say goodbye to her?
Looking back at 2015 I have this peace when I think about the life phrase God gave me for the year.
"He will quiet you with His love".
Little did I know when I wrote that how much I would have to be still and quieted by His love. This year has been one of the most challenging ones for me and I have had to rely on God more than almost any other year. I'm so thankful for His love that has quieted me in times of unrest.
While I haven't shared my phrase for 2016 yet and I'm not 100% positive I will, I did want to share one thing with you that I feel led to share.
Shortly after Xiomara's birthmama passed away, I read this amazing article called While They Can Still Hear (The Case For Living Eulogies). Here is what I wrote on Facebook when I shared it:
"Maybe because I am a words of affirmation person, this speaks directly to my heart. Or perhaps it is because I have lost people in my life way too sudden, way too young. Or else it is because I realize my time on earth is short and I want to use the remaining time I have to uplift people in love. Whatever it is, this is SO good. 'I think we should give people living eulogies; that we should speak lavish, unashamed words of love and praise, not about them, but to them.'"
I've never been the type of person to do New Year's Resolutions, mainly because most times I fail at them and then feel guilty. But, this one hit home with me and so I spent 2015 telling those I love why I love them. Most of the time it was in the form of a social media post because I wanted other people to know what I saw in someone else.
Do you realize how rare it is for people to hear words of affirmation spoken to them these days? We live in a day in which people rarely take the time to truly stop and listen to your answer to "how are you?" and most people have no idea the pain or elation that is just below the smile that is plastered onto someone's face. Can I encourage you to read the above article and then spend 2016 incorporating your words of love to others? If you are like me and don't do New Year's Resolutions, do this one. Take 5 minutes to have a conversation with someone and tell them how much you love them. If you are like me, and words come better from your fingers than your voice, take 5 minutes to type up how much they mean to you.
I have now lost several people too soon without getting to tell them exactly what I saw in them and how much I loved them, and I would give anything to go back in time so they know exactly how much I love them. I am determined to never let someone close to me pass away without knowing they were loved. I will be living this out in 2016, hopefully even more than I did in 2015.
So Happy New Year friends! May you fully love those around you and cherish each moment you are given. I leave you with these words from the above article.
"Friend, there are people around you who need to see the full contents of your heart, now. They deserve the blessing of knowing that they matter, today."
